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Do you feel like the business and life strategies that worked for everyone else just aren’t working for you? If so, you’re not failing…your nervous system, your capacity and your life season might not align with the cookie-cutter advice that’s thrown haphazardly across instagram. In this episode, I unpack why sensitive, ambitious women often struggle with generic routines, business plans and rest strategies…and how you can honour your rhythm, your capacity and your desire without collapsing.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
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Hi I hope you’re having a great week and I want to say first up, thank you for all the positive feedback about the return of the Feminine Business School podcast. I really, really appreciate it. It’s great to get back behind the mic and to have these conversations.
And speaking of conversations, we have a really juicy one for you in today’s episode around why what works for everyone else isn’t working for you — and why that’s not your fault.”
Now I know many women in business who are driven, hard-working, they are good students or clients and they essentially implement what they are taught from coaches or mentors or maybe therapists and yet it feels like nothing is working for them. They aren’t seeing the results. They aren’t feeling the shifts that they desire and they are working so hard for. And as a result they start to question themselves and their capabilities… and straight up I want you to know that if this is you, you’re not incapable, you’re probably applying the wrong strategy to the wrong nervous system state.
To paint the picture for you, here are some examples. You may have tried creating some kind of morning routine but it just feels draining and life sucking rather than life giving. I know that when I came across The Miracle Morning, more than 10 years ago, pre-giving birth to my daughter I thought it was magic and I told everyone about it. BUT I got some push back from my audience, particularly mothers saying – this just doesn’t work as a mum. And then when i had a child who didn’t sleep through until she was 4, I completely understood. And then after my mum passed away and I continue to navigate grief, I understand this even more because there’s just no way I can get up early in the morning, let alone do the 10,000 steps that is the miracle morning. So essentially, This worked for me once. But not It no longer fits my life or nervous system.”
Another example of applying the wrong strategy to the wrong nervous system state or season of life is the very unhelpful advice given to women of “just rest more” that often leaves you feeling more confused and tired. Because if you’re someone who’s high-functioning and used to being productive, rest doesn’t automatically feel restorative.
It can feel uncomfortable… agitating even.
So instead of actually restoring your energy, you end up feeling restless, guilty, or like you’re wasting time.
And again, you assume the problem is you.
This can also show up as strategies that used to work… just stopping.
Maybe you were someone who could power through — long hours, high output, last-minute pushes — and it actually worked for you.
But now, you try to operate in the same way and your body just doesn’t respond.
You feel exhausted much quicker. Your focus isn’t the same. Your energy drops off.
And instead of adjusting the strategy, you start questioning yourself —
“Why can’t I handle what I used to?”
But the reality is… your life has changed.
Your nervous system has changed.
Your capacity has changed.
And actually, if you want to go a little deeper with how I work with my nervous system, my rhythms, and capacity — I’ve created a free space called The Aliveness Studio which I’ll share more about at the end of the episode.
Now I have no doubt that we have all fallen victim to applying the wrong strategy or approach to the wrong nervous system state or season of life or business. I know I definitely have. But as you can hopefully see, trying to apply someone else’s formula to your unique nervous system, stage of life and season of business can be futile, which I know causes so much frustration, exhaustion and disappointment.
And this is where we need to zoom out — because this isn’t just personal, it’s cultural.
Through my own journey it has become extremely evident that there’s always these very stiff binaries. So for example we have a culture of healing and a culture of growth and expansion. Now in the Healing culture we’re told to “Slow down, tend to your wounds, don’t push” which can become indefinite pausing and stagnation. I see clients who stay stuck in the healing phase because that’s what feels most safe and normal to them. They love the depth work, the introspection, the shadow work….which isn’t necessarily wrong. But it can keep you believing that you can’t move forward or take action until you feel healed…and as so many of you know, there’s infinite depth to our bodies, minds, souls and there’s always going to be something that we can work on or tend to.
Now when it comes to growth culture it’s all about scaling, expanding, taking action, being disciplined and consistent. Which again, isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but because we live in such toxic productivity culture and we work under an extraction model of success, this way of being and operating can very quickly lead to self-abandonment….it’s kind of like success at any cost and we see our health and well being decline, our relationships suffer…..
But what I have noticed is there’s nothing really in the middle. You’re either told to heal indefinitely… or perform relentlessly.
And this obviously becomes a problem, especially for the women who I tend to work with – women who have this sensitive-ambitious paradox. They have high desire — they know they want more from their life or business.
But they’re also highly sensitive…
Meaning they feel things deeply, they pick up on a lot, their nervous system processes more.
So this might look like:
And at the same time, their capacity is often reduced because of everything they’re holding…grief, health challenges, perimenopause, raising children, supporting family, big life transitions. (And btw this is real life, not a personal flaw).
So, to date, I haven’t found any mainstream advice or business models that actually supports this sensitive-ambitious woman nor the woman who is desiring to be held in her healing and growth.
And unfortunately this level of nuance doesn’t sell well online, it’s not appealing to the algorithm because it’s not clear cut, it’s the messy middle, so it’s just left out of the conversation.
And as result, women are left trying to fit themselves into models that were never designed for them.
What I’ve come to understand — both through my own life and the women I work with in my coaching practice — is that it’s not that you don’t know what to do.
It’s that what you’re doing… isn’t matched to where your nervous system actually is.
Because here’s the truth that doesn’t get talked about enough:
Your restorers have to match your stressors.
And your rhythm has to match your nervous system.
Otherwise, even the “right” things won’t work.
And this is where so many women get stuck… because the advice they’re following isn’t wrong — it’s just not designed for them, in this season.
So you try the morning routine.
You try to be consistent.
You follow the business plan.
You give yourself time to rest.
But underneath that… your nervous system is either overstimulated, depleted, grieving, stretched…
And those strategies don’t meet you there.
I’ve experienced this myself in a few different ways.
There have been seasons where I tried to stick to structured routines — waking up early, planning my days, doing all the things that used to make me feel productive and in control…
But my body just wasn’t on board.
Everything felt heavy. Forced. Like I was pushing against something invisible.
And it wasn’t because I’d suddenly become undisciplined…
It was because my nervous system needed something completely different.
And I’ve also had moments where I thought I was “resting”…
But if I’m really honest, I wasn’t restoring anything.
I was lying down… but my mind was racing.
I was off my laptop… but still holding everything mentally.
So I’d get up from that “rest” still tired… still wired… still not resourced.
And this is the part that I think is really important:
When your restorers don’t match your stressors… rest doesn’t feel restorative.
When your rhythm doesn’t match your nervous system… consistency feels impossible.
So you end up thinking:
“I’m inconsistent.”
“I lack discipline.”
“Something’s not working with me.”
But really…
You’ve just been given strategies that were never designed for your body, your life, or your current capacity.
And when you start to see that clearly…
There’s a kind of relief that comes with it. There’s actually nourishment that comes with this insight.
It’s not that something is wrong with you.
And it’s not that you’re failing the method.
The method is failing to meet you where you are.
And that’s a very different problem — with a very different solution.
So the real takeaway here is this:
There is a way to be both ambitious and sensitive.
There is a way to honour your capacity and your desire.
But it won’t come from cookie-cutter routines or one-size-fits-all advice.
And this is why the work I do with clients is rooted in nuance and precision.
Inside The Capacity Code, which is my self-paced digital immersion,
we map your patterns, your rhythm, and your capacity —
Not to give you another routine…
But to help you understand what your nervous system actually needs
to feel resourced, to feel safe and to expand without collapse.
And then we take this work much deeper in my 1:1 immersions and coaching containers…
Where we start to gently unwind the patterns that have been keeping you stuck in push, collapse, or disconnection —
And support you to build a way of working and living that actually holds you, which feels nourishing and alive and pleasurable.
As we close this episode, I want to invite you to notice:
Where have you been trying to follow someone else’s strategy — in your life or your business?
Where have you been pushing…
when your nervous system was asking for something else?
Because your path isn’t meant to look like anyone else’s.
You get to build this in a way that honours your capacity, your season and your desire.
And honestly…it’s time we start doing things differently.
Not just individually — but collectively.
Because the model we’ve been given was never designed for women like us.
And I feel it’s time we reclaim a way of living and working that feels… alive.
Where your success doesn’t come at the cost of your body,
your energy,
or your truth.
Where aliveness becomes the standard — not the reward.
And if you want to go a little deeper with this…
As I mentioned earlier….I’ve created a private space called The Aliveness Studio —
where I’m sharing reflections, voice notes and behind-the-scenes insights
to help you actually integrate this work into your own life and business.
You’re very welcome to join me there…the link is in the show notes.
And remember – Aliveness is the new ambition.
