How To Become Friends With Your Inner Mean Girl And Cultivate Killer Confidence

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In the first part of this Blog Series we looked at identifying and being aware of your inner Mean Girl or Inner Critic.

Just to recap, your inner Mean Girl likes to constantly remind you that you’re not enough.

She comes from a place of fear and is the voice of insecurity and anxiety. She loves to compare your worst to everyone else’s best.

Your inner Mean Girl is a deadest bully and she does a fantastic job at diminishing your self-confidence.

The truth is, you can’t escape your Mean Girl because she’s your in-built defender, guardian or inner shield. She thinks she is doing the right thing by keeping you safe (and small).

Your inner Mean Girl plays such a prominent role in your life, so it makes sense to accept that she isn’t going anywhere. Instead I encourage you to try to understand and embrace her!

Thankfully there are many ways you can soften the voice of your inner Mean Girl and even become friends with her.

Below I share seven surefire strategies for you to become besties with your very own Tina Trashbag so you can cultivate killer confidence and transform your life! 

 

1. Become Aware of Her

The first step to CHANGE is AWARENESS.

Last week I shared my ‘Mean Girl’ Coaching Worksheet where you recorded all the ‘mean girl’ thoughts you had in a week. (You’ll be surprised how many you have!)

Increasing your awareness of when your Mean Girl appears and what she says will make it easier for you to work with her and challenge her negativity.

So start paying attention to your inner critic and literally take note!

 

2. Give Her A Name

Once you’re aware that you have this Mean Girl running rampant in your head, give her a name.

It could be Negative Nelly, Bitching Betty or mine is Tina Trash Bag!

By giving your Mean Girl a silly name it makes it harder for you to take her seriously.

Also, it helps to create separation between you and your inner critic and you soon realise that it’s not YOU doing the trash talking – it’s HER!

 

3. Don’t Give Your Mean Girl A Voice

I strongly suggest you never repeat what your inner Mean Girl says OUT LOUD.

Picture this, you’re putting on your favourite pair of skinny jeans and they feel really snug around your backside.

You then say to your partner “OMG I’m so fat! My bum is the size of a Hippo!”

Or you’ve just finished a client presentation and you say miserably to your colleague “Far out, I majorly stuffed that up and I’m so embarrassed! My life is over!”

Does this sound familiar?

Similarly, try not to bring your Mean Girl thoughts into general conversation.

I recently went through a phase where pretty much everyone I came into contact with I would point out the acne on my face (CHARMING!).

I realised that what you see and feel isn’t necessarily what the rest of the world sees (No one noticed my pimples….they were either blind or too polite ha ha!).

But in all seriousness, no one else can hear your inner Mean Girl and they probably don’t want to.

Saying these mean and degrading thoughts out loud doesn’t make you feel any better.

So don’t give your Mean Girl the privilege of being heard!

 

4. Stop With The Stories

Your inner Mean girl loves to have a rant and often these rants turn into stories that she likes to tell you on repeat.

For example “Everyone is doing so much better than me,” or “I’m so disorganised and I never get enough done.”

I’m sure you agree that we pretty much have the same stories spinning through our heads on a daily basis.

The fact that your inner Mean Girl has nothing original to say proves that her opinion isn’t valid.

Remember, these negative and repetitive ‘stories’ are not absolute statements. Thoughts are just thoughts and they aren’t necessarily the truth!

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5. Power of Possible Thinking

You thought I was going to say ‘Positive Thinking’ right?

But often ‘positive’ creates more pressure. I’ll explain….

If I was to look into the mirror and say “Oh Ainslie, your skin looks magnificent,” or “You are the BEST blogger in the world,” my internal lie detector would go off big time!

Often when you’re feeling less than ordinary, thanks to your Inner Mean Girl, the worst thing you can do is force yourself to say something overly positive, or even down right lie to yourself.

I’ll put it out there – I’m not a huge fan of positive affirmations (but that’s just me!).

This is when ‘Possible Thinking’ comes into play.

You want to find a neutral thought and simply name the facts.

Rather than saying to yourself “I’m a fat hippo” and flipping it to “Damn, I should be a Victoria Secret Model,” your neutral thought could be something like “I just need to do a bit more exercise and eat well and I’ll be back into those jeans in no time!”

Finding a neutral (and more realistic thought) and then stating the facts puts YOU rather than your Mean Girl in the drivers seat and gives you a positive direction to work with.

When your Mean Girl starts spinning her stories, look for the ‘Possible’ thoughts and positive actions!

 

6. Be Your Own Best Friend

Go back to the exercise where I got you to write down all of your Mean Girl thoughts and read over them.

Now ask yourself, would you ever say those things to your best friend?

For example, would you tell your bestie her Butt is the size of a Hippo? Or would you ever speak to her in such a vicious and degrading tone?

I think not!

Every time your inner Mean Girl pops up ask yourself “Would I say this to my best friend?”

It’s time to treat yourself like you would your best friend!

 

7. Thank Your Mean Girl, Question Her and Move On

I mentioned earlier that your inner Mean Girl sees herself as your protector.

In her mind she is keeping you small by judging and manipulating you.

To overcome the constant Mean Girl thoughts you can first thank her for looking out for you, question her and then just keep moving.

For example, if she’s being a bitch and pointing out your jeans are too tight why not say, “Thanks for pointing that out, but who really cares? It’s not the end of the world and I still fit them!” And off you go about your day!

Or if your inner Mean Girl is telling you that you can’t apply for that killer job you want, say something like “Thanks for your input but why shouldn’t I apply for it Tina Trash Bag? Tina Are you telling me I’m not worthy? Well I’m going to apply anyway, because I can!”

Don’t give in to her negativity and low-vibed outlook on life.

Thank her. Question her. Challenge her. Move on.

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Your number one goal is to live peacefully with your inner Mean Girl and not let her de-rail your confidence.

I would love to hear what strategy you’re going to implement into your life today so you can become friends with your inner Mean Girl. Share with me in the comments below!

If you’re keen to learn more about how to cultivate killer confidence and how to live the extraordinary life that you deserve, I’m working on something really special which is exclusive to my Starting With A Friends! So sign up to my ‘Great Mail’ list below this post so you can be the first to get your hot little hands on what I’m cooking up!

Love,